Boys

So I've decided, I have officially given up on boys. I mean, not saying that I'm going to start liking girls, I'm just so sick of guys. They say that girls are bad about changing their minds and stuff, but seriously... guys suck.

Homecoming went well, lots of awkward standing around, some dancing. Pretty much danced with two guys the whole night and that was it. It's all good thoughbecause it was with Dan Humphrey and Nathan Donley, both good kids. Other than that, I didn't do much. I was supposed to dance with Greg Derr, but he was too busy grinding with Bethany Hansen, I was also supposed to dance with Chris Lapointe, but he like left or something. So, I just danced with Dan and Nathan. I mean, I just don't understand boys. They complain about nobody liking them and how girls hate them. Then you say that girls don't like them, and that you like them and all. Then they go off and go be with other girls even though girls don't like them. Not to mention girls that are BITCHES, and probably wouldn't date them anyways... I HATE BOYS. Oh, well.

Ate at Olive Garden (for my first time) and it was good. There was so much food(and breadsticks). I love breadsticks. I felt lame because Dan wouldn't talk to me at all that night, he never said I looked nice (not once), didn't do anything. GRR. I EFFING HATE BOYS. He like wouldn't even look at me unless we were talking about band or football or something. So yeah, I felt pretty much dumb. We hung out with Justin and Rachel and like they were flirting constantly (not a bad thing because they are soooo cute) and I just felt stupid because I didn't have a guy to flirt with because Dan was too busy trying not to look at me. My dress wouldn't stop being stupid. I dunna.. Like I said, it wasn't a bad dance, I just suck a bunch. I got to dance with people (unlike Prom Freshman year in which I didn't dance with my date like at all.)

After Homecoming a group of us came to my house and watched Xmen. Good movie, nobody really talked or anything. Why must I feel so stupid all of the time? Jimmy never stopped by which is okay, I was pretty tired..

Today I worked from 1-4. I traded hours so I could go to the movies with Jimmy and you guessed it. WE AREN'T GOING. His Trombone professor or whatever called and said he had a lesson tomorrow. And since he, never mind, I won't even go on about it. So he calls and asks if we could do it next weekend so he can go back to Akron and practice. Of course I'll be busy all next weekend. So we're supposed to be going this Wednesday. Yeah, MY ASS we will. I doubt it so much that it'll happen. So I got out my phone and tried to get ahold of Greg who was also going today, well they were going at like 2 (I worked untill 4). Then I tried Chris, but he won't answer his phone. So yeah, I guess I'll just have to place high hopes on Wednesday. I'm so sick of this SHIT. BOYS SUCK FUCKING BALLS, OKAY!?!?!? I was looking forward to this weekend soo much all week. This weekend was so dissapointing. It's like expecting to get a new car for Christmas and then getting keys, but turns out they're just keys to the garage in which you have to clean out. Something lame like that.

This was just a bitchfest and I apoligize. I'm just so sick of life at the moment. Everything is my fault when you get right down to it. I ruined everything, and now life is just paying me back for my stupidity. I mean if I hadn't of taken that break with Jimmy we might still be together, I woulda went to his football game, then we coulda went to the movies today, but no. I effed it up. If I didn't let boys lead me on, I wouldn't have to feel like this at the moment, and I'd be fine. It's all my fault. Boys suck, but it's my fault that I let it get to me. and I'll probably get hell for this post. Well, you know what I think? FUCK OFF!! ALRIGHT!!!! JUST FUCK OFF! I hope you all get the point.

Exhausted

Okay, I'm pretty much done with life. So band is pretty frigging exhausting. Not to mention going to soccer right after band. I mean, come on, band isn't HAAARD. Yeah, well that's when you play the piccolo or whatever. I play an effing bass drum, and it blows big ones. My shoulder joints are NUMB when I'm done playing. Like they feel funny, and it's unpleasant. Not to mention my lower back feels like someone is twisting the muscles. My shoulder muscles ache because that's where my bass drum harness sets. I hate it! I like band and all, but it's going to kill me. It only gets worse when there are stupid morons in band that yell at you for talking, and then turn around to talk to their friend. It's pretty much the most ridiculous thing ever. The percussion section gets so much crap for everything that goes wrong. IT ISN'T OUR FAULTS! So GET OVER IT!

Along with band being lame I have soccer. Soccer is so much fun and I love it always. It's just so tiring, I'm out of shape either that I'm just so run-down that I have nothing left. Who knows, no difference I suppose. All that matters is that we won our game today 2-0, I didn't get injured and I had some shots on goal! 2 of them! I never take shots on goal, and I took some! =D. I'm so proud of myself. Anyways, yeah. I'm gonna die tomorrow.

Swing, Swing

Days swiftly come and go.
I'm dreaming of her
She's seeing other guys
Emotions they stir
The sun is gone.
The nights are long
And I am left while the tears fall.

Did you think that I would cry,
on the phone?
Do you know what it feels like,
being alone?
I'll find someone new

[Chorus]
Swing, Swing, Swing from the tangles of
My heart is crushed by a former love
Can you help me find a way
To carry on again.

Wish cast into the sky
I'm moving on
Sweet beginnings do arise
She knows I was wrong
The notes are old,
They bend, they fold
and so do I to a new love.

Did you think that I would cry,
on the phone?
Do you know what it feels like,
being alone?
I'll find someone new

Swing, Swing, Swing from the tangles of
My heart is crushed by a former love
Can you help me find a way
To carry on again

Bury me
(you thought your problems were gone)
Carry me
(away. away, away...)

[Chorus fades till end]
Swing, Swing, Swing from the tangles of
My heart is crushed by a former love
Can you help me find a way
To carry on again

So, I have this song stuck in my head and I just wanna listen to it over and over.. I listened to it on the way to our soccer game in Jackie's car and it was like, *BAM* I remembered how good of a song it was and I had to hear it again. So anyways, Cassie's party was pretty cool. I played a bunch of pool, ate a bunch, and watched ANGRY BEAVERS!!!!! I loved that show, and it should still be on the air, every day as soon as I get home. No joke. lol.

Well, I pretty much have to actually wake up again tomorrow. Not as early, but I still have to wake up. Stupid band. So, I think I'll go to bed. The person I asked to stay up and wait for me didn't and is asleep apparently. Knowing the person and my luck as soon as I go to bed they'll get online to check, and then talk to someone else. *sigh* Oh, well. I'm over it. So goodnight!

Band..

So, I hate band and this is a conversation that has me thinking..

"Man, I really do hate band" -me
"Well, if you really hate band so much why are you in it or why don't you quit?"-person

So I think to myself, "Well, I really hate life too, but I don't see you telling me to quit that, now do I?" My point? Sometimes you just do stuff because you have to. Like live, and go to school, and stuff like that.

Homecoming

Okay, so you can't really measure how excited I am about Homecoming this year. Why? Well, Freshman year was fun, but I went with Sam Finley and he had a girflriend, etc. Last year, I didn't even go and just went to Chipotle's with an odd group of people. Then went to Jimmy's to sit and watch Kill Bill and Jimmy flirt non-stop with Katherine. This year, I'm single, my date is single, and it'll just be a hell of a time. Mostly because my date is Dan Humphrey and he has to be the coolest kid ever! I got my dress this weekend also. It's brown (apparently so is a bunch of other girls =\) and strapless!! (=O) So yeah, if you haven't noticed my boobs are practically not there, I have very small boobs, so I dunna how well I'm gonna pull this off. The dress is just above my knees so it isn't too short, and it isn't long. I don't know how I'm gonna pull that off either, because my knees are the ugliest knees ever. Don't even dissagree, I have so many scars on my knees it's disgusting. Anyways, my dress is really cute, I can't wait to show it off ;). Yeah, I went with Charlie and Erica. It was sad because I had to borrow money from Charlie. Pretty much owe Charlie 20 bucks... =\.

Later, went to watch The Exorcism of Emily Rose with Charlie and Chris Lapointe. Good kids.. Weird movie, Fun time. So yeah, pretty much held on to Charlie's arm for all of the freaky parts of the Emily girl contorted into anatomically incorrect positions. Pretty much hope to god I never get possessed, it seemed like it sucked a lot. Anyways, Charlie had forgotten her wallet... lmao. She was going to pay for me, and well.. turns out Chris had to pay for all 3 of us. Good kid, got really buff..

Oh, by the way. Jimmy and I broke up. I really do miss him, but sometimes things just don't turn out happilly ever after. At the moment, I'm just going to make the best of things. All I can do is enjoy my life and what I have. Suicide is overrated, and to commit suicide you pretty much have to put out effort. I like not having to put out effort. Anyways, I'll keep you updated on what's goin on in the Life of Laura. Hopefully something nice happens here soon. I just can't stand this feeling of uncertainty where I just don't know what I'm doing with my life and my emotions.

Help me...

If you read this and care for me at all, you would fucking talk to me. Please? You would call me, email me or do something. If you don't care about me, don't bother. I just know that what I have now as "friends" just isn't cutting it. I am depressed, and NOONE cares. NOT A SINGLE PERSON. I have just made one of toughest decisions I've made for ages.. and I had one person to help, Jackie Sudol. I have nobody to talk to about things like this. This makes me want to die. By die, I mean NOT BE HERE ANYMORE.. So if you read this and you want to help me. Which I really hope you do. Because I really hope you have something deep down that says, "I should help Laura out before she fucking drives off a cliff, into a lake (after slitting her wrists), all the while chained to the gas pedal so she can't get out..." Yeah, help me out here. This is my desperate cry for help.

BUY ME THESE!

Buy me those! They're from American Eagle, and I want them... with a burning passion.

Labor Day Weekend

So.. the hi-light of my weekend? Probably Jenny's suprise birthday party. I WON THE LIMBO CONTEST!!! =d. Oh yeah.. I can limbo.. We also played man-hunt. I pretty much hid in a bailer. Okay, don't call me stupid. I realize that it was dumb. But... I had no clue what I was hiding in, I just knew they'd never ever find me. All the time I'm sitting there thinking, "If I could see, I would realize how stupid of a place this is...". So... Afraid that I was gonna die, I tried to run for base.. but you have to realize, the other team always had about 3 people on base when you were only supposed to have 1. Also, you were supposed to stay at least 10 feet from base. They did neither. I would have made it (every time).
On another note, I totally flashlighted Justin in the face. I felt soooo bad. About my flashlight, lol... Dan lost it in the field. Oh, I felt bad =(. He was all sad and depressed because he had to come find it in the morning. Oh, well.. It's just a flashlight. Jenny went and found it anyways. So all is well.
Oh, and I went to see "The Brothers Grimm" not bad, not bad. Very Very weird, but not bad. Went to Dick's Sporting goods, bought new shin guards, a new bag, and another sportsbra (I just don't have enough)..Anyways, I don't have much else to talk about. Peace out kids!

Wow!

This is definetely the longest break I've taken in my blogging history, ever!! Lets just say I haven't had much to talk about lately. More or less (I've been balling up my complaints and I've just now given up). School has started and it's school. You all know the story. "It sucks, classes, homework, etc" So I don't think I'm going to bore you with that kinda crap...

So, what is there to talk about? Uhm, I've been pretty depressed lately. For "no good reason" at all. I'll go through friggin' mood swings, no joke. Oh, and I'm not pregnant. Only sex makes you pregnant, and I haven't had any sex, I promise. So there are a few things I think that have lead to my depression, none of which seem to be good reasons (I guess):

1. My boyfriend just left for college recently, and I feel like he hates me. Depression worthy? Maybe not, but I say so..
2. I don't get enough sleep. I have not gotten more than 6 hours of sleep on a weeknight for about a year straight now. Am I an insomniac? Who knows. I just know that I need some more sleep. I even take allergy medicine to make me drowsy..
3. I don't know if this one is because of my depression or vica verca.. but I just never eat. The lunches suck because I have 4th lunch and virtually all of the good stuff is gone by the time I get there. No joke, I never had to deal with it before because I've always been 1st/2nd lunch.. but it sucks. At home, there is just nothing to eat without my mommy cooking for me, and with me being so lazy. I'm not anorexic, I swear. I just, I'm just very very lazy.
4. I have a license now, I was so darn excited and I still haven't gotten to drive to school yet. It'd be so nice not having to ask for a ride, but yeah... I'll live..
5. Either I'm very ugly or very very ugly or something because nobody's going to ask me to Homecomming. Seriously at least, I may get those kids just joking around.. or some girls just trying to make me feel better. Other than that, no serious question poppers. I realize I have a boyfriend, but can't they just ask me as a friend, or ask me at all? Also, don't even kid to yourself or lie to me by saying, "If you were single they'd ask you.." Because they wouldn't, I was single last year.. and did I get asked? Never...
6. Soccer only takes up a few hours of my life a day. The other hours I have to deal with the soul-numbing pain of being alive. During soccer I am able to take out my stress on the soccer ball, and sometimes girls from the other team. The rest of the time I have nothing and nobody to vent to. "What about your friends?" you say? Well, I don't have any to talk to, and I'm having a hard time dealing with it. I'm not saying I don't have friends, I'm just saying I have none to just talk to.

So, I think 6 reasons is good enough for me to reason my depression. So at the moment my boyfriend is out on a walk, and he couldn't talk to me while on his walk. Yeah, so basically he'll get back and talk to me not while he isn't really busy, but when he's on the computer talking to everybody else. Yes, Depression worthy? Make me feel like shit worthy? Make me want to quit and die worthy? I think so, but Hey, what's my opinion matter? What, my feelings matter now? What, I have a soul? I NEVER KNEW!

So to be happier. Uhm.. Soccer is so much fun.. I love it, and I'm glad I chose to do it. So far our record is 1-1-1. Not bad, I guess.. At least we don't have a losing record... =p I've also been playing some more interesting positions lately. At our last game I didn't play a single minute of Full-back. I played wing and midfield. Isn't that awesome? I'm happy with that. I love soccer and it's magical ability of being able to hurt my body physically beyond anything else I've felt but at the same time make me feel so great mentally.

So... about Marching band and choir? Well, the only things keeping me in Marching Band is the fact that I want to go to Disney for the first time ever and my best friends Dan Humphrey and Tom Koppert. My fellow bass drumers are what keep me in this stupid activity. One, Mr. Barone hates my friggin' guts and is mean to me beyond any possible reasoning. So I asked a dumb question, and then messed up once? Yeah, I don't see you freaking out when a person playing the flute does that. Diarhhea of the mouth? I'll show you diarhhea of the fucking face! Which includes much blood. Yes, indeed... I'm so sick of Mr. Barone and his stupid fucking lies. Did we ever have try-outs for our parts? NO! I got stuck with a bass drum, and Well... I didn't want it. The past two years I got stuck in Pit. Did I want that? NO! "We'll switch around" Yeah, fucking right. Yeah, but I have to pry the instruments from their hands first. Much clawing and bitching? Yes, there is. Stupid, fat, ugly, smelly, bitching.

Okay, so I'm done before I get tarred and feathered for all of the whining, complaining, bitching I just did. So crucify me. I'll die for my sins, they were worth every moment.