Being able to relate to old friends that are miles away..

i feel so used and abused. what WAS this relationship? it'll be a month tomorrow. i can't even talk it out with anyone because SO much happened that i can't fit the pieces of the puzzle together. i've never been so confused, so manipulated, i've never felt so used in such a long time.. i don't know what i'm doing. i should've ended this, fixed this problem why i could've, saved myself from hurting but i didn't. why though? i keep wanting to blame you.. i never let anyone take the blame or anything before but analyzing everything that has happened. it's all your fault. if you would just know what you want, what you're talking about, what you wanna do. we wouldn't be where we are today. i'm hoping that my going to ohio will be good for me, as some kind of escape. i'm hoping that when i come back i'm gonna feel refreshed and leave all the bad memories that has happened in colorado so far behind in ohio. and come back here feeling better and never feeling or worrying like i did a week before i left. i hope that when this is over, you'll realize what you had. you never realize anything until it's gone. this has been so dragged out and you're so manipulative that i can't even figure out how i'm feeling about this except the fact that i'm upset. i'm so apathetic right now and i never wanna feel apathetic. i always know what i want and what i'm feeling but not with you. i hate you for making my life hell every time we argue. i've done a lot of wrong things in this relationship but it'll make me feel better if i just pinpoint everything you've done wrong. i dunno how you're gonna make your life better by ending us but i'm hoping you know what you're doing just this one time. it's my fault for letting you drag this out. i just hope for myself that i'll walk out of this learning something and never making the same mistake ever again. as much as i hate you. i miss you.

Woah, I found this in a friend's xanga page. It freaks me out how much I feel that I relate to this post.. I've been crying a lot lately, and this post from my friend's xanga hasn't helped me stop in the least... I don't blame her, though.. It has made me feel better..